Drew’s Rules Of Engagement

My wife is a saint. Her tolerance and patience for me pre-Covid was already off the charts, but this new way of life has provided her with fresh relationship challenges. I imagine that simple things like taking walks are no longer enjoyable for Mindy because I’m constantly voicing distain for those people walking around without masks and ignoring protocols, many of which I have created in my head and somehow expect others to follow. While she’s politely waving at strangers like we’re all on lake boats, I’m shaking my head, fuming about the lack of unity. During a walk over the holiday weekend, she finally had enough of my complaining and insisted, “Maybe it’s time you shared these rules with everyone so they know how to please you!” Ok, sarcastic, but still a great idea! I took a short-cut home, leaving her behind to finish our normal route alone, and returned to my computer with a rare level of excitement. It’s my turn to make a difference during these troubling times.

Without further delay, here are my rules of engagement as it pertains to neighborhood strolls. Break these rules and get a nasty scowl from over my bandana:

1. Older folks get priority. Respect your elders, even if they only seem a few years older than you. Each step is more challenging than the last for them, so do your part and let them take the easier, straight route.
2. Parties with fewer members yield to parties of larger members. If you’re walking solo and a couple approaches, it’s on you to hit the street and walk around.
3. Yield to runners. I’ve never done it but jogging looks hard. So move aside and let the healthier folks continue on their path.
4. Groups with children (walking or in strollers) get the benefit of staying on the sidewalk. Kids aren’t always agreeable, from what I have observed, so it’s fair that the parents get a break.
5. Dogs rule. Go around them, give them the space they deserve.
6. If two groups of the same size and specifications approach each other, those traveling either North or West yield to those traveling South or East. It’s just common sense.

It’s important to note these walking protocols are listed in order of priority, so if you come across a situation where more than one scenario takes shape, start at the top and first rule that matches applies. Yeah, I’ve thought a lot about this.

Now I know what you’re thinking, “I thought this was going to be a silly joke, but after reading this thorough set of rules, it all makes perfect sense and should be taken very seriously.” I’m glad you’ve come around! Together, we can make neighborhood walks pleasant again.^TM

Let’s share these rules and please, pray for my wife.